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Bank Zachodni WBK Bank Advertisments - witty, fun and all stars

A note on friend's Facebook pointed me to Bank Zachodni WBK's advertisments. This is a Polish bank that once has decided to use well known actors to promote it - which I would have probably known if I was still living there, but instead a French man visiting Poland for holidays made me aware of the BZ WBK ads. I googled them and had real fun watching them, I thought it is a bit of a shame that it only can be appreciated in full by the Polish, so I'm posting them here with transcripts, translated where needed.

John Cleese "But I WANT one!"

John Cleese: Is this true, do all Poles take it out?
Dicrector: Yes, a bank loan.
JC: Why?
D: Interest rate is low and it's easy to get.
JC: Well, can I get one?
D: No.
JC: What?
D: I'm afraid you can't.
JC: Why not?
D: You're not from Poland!
JC: I'm not from Poland but I'm in Poland!
D: Sorry...!
JC: But I want one!
D: Mr Cleese, please, can we shoot?
Crew: Silence on set!
JC: I love pierogi.
Crew: Lights!
JC: I was at Wembley in '73.
D: Camera...
Crew: BZ WBK John Cleese take one
JC: My aunt is from Pcim!
D: and Action!
JC:I want one.
D: Screen!
Voice: Everyone wants a cheap bank loan in BZ WBK. Take one yourself even today.
JC: I speak polish. Guten Morgen!*

*(that's German BTW)

John Cleese - cheaply easily and quickly

John Cleese: And now the final question: what can you get cheaply easily and quickly?
Contender: Soap.
JC: No no cheaply easily and quickly!
C: Oh, Grey Soap!
JC: Close... and everyone takes it!
C: Bath?
JC: What- What can you take cheaply easily and quickly?
C: Shower!!
JC: How about a gentle hint
[BANK LOAN WITH BZ WBK]
C: Neon!
C: Light?
JC:(b-a-n-k l-o-a-n)
C: Slap in the face! cheaply easily and quickly you gan get a slap in the face!
Voice: Cheaply easily and quickly, bank loan in BZ WBK, everyone takes it, take one yourself.
JC: We ACCEPT the answer???

John Cleese - Polish Carp

John Cleese: Welcome back and now Polish Carp
[everyone takes]
It's a fish everyone takes out for christmas.

I think it's alive
Director: It's dead
JC: It's cheap [cheap]

It's looking at me!
D: It's totally dead
JC: You can cook it quickly [quickly]
and it's easy to breed, they keep it in bath tubes in Poland [easily]

It moved, it moved!
Voice: Bank loan in BZ WBK cheaply easily quickly everyone takes it. Take one yourself.
JC: aaa Help!

Gerard Depardieu: Obelix and The Deluge

Gerard Depardieu: How do you want to pay your clients 100 zl for opening an account
Member of the audience: Maybe like you sir, when you were playing Obelisk*.
Voice: We will pay you as well whole 100 zl for opening new "spend and earn" account, then every month we will pay you for using your card and you can use all the ATMs in Poland for free.
Member of the audience: And every month for using a card like Kiemplicze in The Deluge!
Gerard Depardieu: Hi there. Pay!

*Mispronounced. Should be Obelix.

Gerard Depardieu - Samurai and tough guy

Gerard Depardieu: How do you want to pay your clients 100 zl for opening an account
Member of the audience: Like the samurai!
All: This is your money!
Gerard Depardieu: And every month for using the card?
Member of the audience: Like a real tough man!
Gerard Depardieu: I'll pay you, your wife, and then I'll find your mother and I'll pay her too!


The last one is my favourite. Please pay me, then my sisters and then find my mother and pay her too.

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