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This is my pen. There are many like it, but this one is mine.

Throughout my whole life I used fountain pens. I started writing early and by the time I reached the "school age" I used a fountain pen. I would argue, that this early start is the reason why my handwriting, despite years and years at the keyboard, has not deteriorated and it is as legible and as pretty and uniform as it ever was. I have used my good handwriting recently to address my friend's envelopes for the wedding invitations (which I designed and made myself, too). My handwriting, my ability to draw and paint, are integral part of me. And so are the tools and the media that I use.

Red lipstick

Whenever I feel less of a myself I put on the reddest lipstick in my possession and let my hair down....
and instantly feel so so much better. More me.

I don't care what anyone says, but I am designed to wear red lipstick.

Earliest Memory

I'm too small, I can't reach the shelf.

I'm in the small room, mum is in the kitchen, cooking, the door to the living room is open and I'm trying to reach a book on the shelf before me, but I'm not tall enough. I get a little stool; yes, this should do.

I reach for the book and slide it out - it's a story book with strange pictures. There's a woman on a barren field under the dark sky standing, wrapped entirely in white paper except for the face. The book is missing the cover and a few pages, but I'm not here for it. I reach into the gap the book left in the shelf and retrieve a cheese sandwich.

I'm dismayed to see that the cheese has shrunk and became hard and oily, the bread is dry and the butter smells funny. I poke my finger through a hole in the cheese.

Birthday Resolution

Found here

The game of Spiders

When we were kids, my sister and I used to play Spiders.

One of us would make a shape of a five-legged spider with her hand and scuttle on the edge of the bed, not unlike Thing in the Addams family; the other would try to swat it. The trick was to take your hand away before it was swatted, otherwise you lost and it was the other's turn to be the spider.

No matter how fun the game was, it always ended with the backs of our hands red and sore, so I guess, in retrospect, it wasn't such a good idea; worse yet, it did nothing to improve my dreadfully poor reflexes.

It's official

After a dreadful day yesterday I woke up in marginally less pain and have had a fairly productive morning and afternoon thus far. And it's sunny. Warm. Blue skies.

If that's not a good enough reason to want to move to the south of France, I don't know what is. It's clear now that my body came with a higher operating temperature and a lower operating humidity than required to function properly in this country.

Friday Evening

It's strangely quiet in the house. In the living room I can hear the wind wooshing around in the courtyard, playing with the rubber plants downstairs. In the bedroom I can hear the cars on the street outside wooshing, no, wishing they wooshed, drivers beeping at each other during their weekly journey to get as far as possible from the city, into the suburbs and beyond.

It's one of those days; it's raining, there's nothing on tv and my teeth hurt. Nothing seems to taste as it should. There's tons of things to do but I don't feel like doing any of them, it all feels so futile. So I just sit here and listen to the wooshing. Of the wind. Of the cars.

I wish I had a cat.

Same words, different meanings

Presume not that I am the thing I was,
For God doth know, so shall the world perceive,
That I have turn'd away my former self;
So will I those that kept me company.

Shakespeare - History of Henry IV, Part II

Birthday Wishlist - Updated

It's my birthday this week.

There will be no celebrations, mind you. Nothing of the sort. Maybe a glass of wine or something but that's about it.

There is also just one item on my birthday wishlist: I want a job. Preferably in one of the following locations: greater Dublin area, Ireland; Geneva or Vaud canton of Switzerland; south of France.

If I have a job I can then go on and buy anything else that I might want, like a sewing machine, 4GB of memory for my laptop, set of Letraset Tria Markers, some books perhaps. So all I really want is a job.

Or in the worst case scenario, if I don't get one, a time machine would have to do.

________________________

I'm starting my new job next Tuesday.

Thank you! Have some cake.

Online Depression Quiz

While browsing today I stumbled upon Psych Central website that, as far as I know, is designed to inform general public about their mental health or the lack of.

My personal situation has made me question my mental health lately. Now, I don't think I have gone insane, no, I'm just as crazy as I ever was, no changes there - but I do feel a wee bit more blue than usual. Not enough to do anything about it and definitely not enough to contact a health care professional... enough however to take an online depression quiz on the Psych Central website.