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Thoughts on righteous anger

I am utterly miserable with my work at the moment.

There is my self-loathing part that assumes there has to be something wrong with me and tries to find a solution based on this, looking for a change of behaviour or a change of attitude.
There is also my defiant part that refuses to accept that it’s my fault and looks for evidence for the contrary.

There is a third part of me, my introspective instrument, that looks at the fight between the two parts mentioned before with great interest and notes down the score.

Lifechanging moments

I knew a man once who laughed after sex.

I remember thinking “You’ve got to be kidding me!” I went a long way and broke every rule in the book to get there and the man I’ve been dreaming of for years is... laughing?

You got to be kidding.

By a strange coincidence, our relationship fell apart over a few lies, few fears and disagreements in the kitchen just weeks later. It also happened to be the moment when I decided I will go to Ireland after all.

Most probably my life would look completely different if he wouldn’t have had laughed.

Doing nothing important and not feeling guilty about it

I have had this strange feeling that there ought to be more to life than this for some time now. Actually, for most of my semi-adult life.
I've had a feeling that there has to be something wrong with people who don't see that, who go about their lives day after day with no reflection whatsoever on why are they doing this not the other and what is the meaning of all, taking their time on earth for granted and doing nothing important with it and not feeling guilty about it.

The storm is coming

“The truly creative mind in any field is no more than this:

Death and others

Many seemingly unrelated events from last week and before leave me today feeling like I’m “involved in an obscure and complex version of poker in a pitch-dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a Dealer who won't tell me the rules, and who smiles all the time.”

Out of context.

"1 Corinthians 5:11 But now I am writing you that you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or a slanderer, a drunkard or a swindler. With such a man do not even eat."

Well hold on.
Does it mean I have to cancel the dinner with friends?*

*Not that I suggest that my friends are sexually immoral or greedy, idolaters, slanderes, drunkards or swindlers.
I suggest I might be one of those.

Best Christmas Ever!

Last night it snowed and snowed. I managed to get back to Bray from the office and went for some shopping. Due to the snow I was in a very festive mood, so I discarded my shopping list and bought the food I felt like having: a juicy steak, asparagus, a chunk of a very very smelly cheese, some fresh bread (sin, sin) and a bottle of wine. Forgot about the milk and kitchen towels completely.

Surreal but nice

When I came back home last night, my stomach started to act up again so I went to bed late and didn't get much sleep. This morning, dehydrated and exhausted, I made myself get up and after making sure i look somewhat human, I went out. Everything felt surreal and bizarre and I felt like a visitor in my own body.

The Move

It took me a year since I decided that I should find myself a place and some six months since I realised I actually can afford it. It took four months of active searching and two months of viewing various places. It took me two weeks of being absolutely freaked out by the perspective of moving on my own.

And I have moved.

Zimowe wspominki

Siedząc w kafejce z B. dwa tygodnie temu, zdecydowaliśmy patrząc za okno i popijając kawę, że najlepiej by było siedzieć nie w kafejce, ale we własnym domku w lesie, przy kominku z psem i kotem wygrzewającymi się przy ogniu, brukselką gotującą się w wesoło poskakującym garnczku na piecu, dziesięć kilometrów od najbliższej wsi do której i tak się dostać nie można bo wszysko zasypane śniegiem i ciężko iść taki kawał w zimnie przez las.