Brief Interviews with Hideous Men

I got my hands on this movie by sheer accident. It was just lying there for months. I watched it today.

I shall not say what it is about, any more than the title spells out, but it came in the exact time when I needed it. I have had a few encounters with hideous men. I have had a few encounters with good men who turned out to be hideous to me. I have known others who knew hideous men.

However, to me, the movie spells out the very thing that I have always thought was wrong with me: I put myself in situations where I am at risk (and a few times far beyond risk) of betraying my core values. I do it all the time. Both soberly and drunk. Soberly I can keep it under control. Lately I have been able to do it drunkenly, too, but it hasn't been something that came to me naturally, it had to be worked on. For simply, although it is against my moral values, I have an inherent quality that always takes over.

I want to save the world.

I fall into the trap of wanting to save everyone around me, and dear goodness, this movie made me realise: they sure want to be saved.
And either knowingly or not, they are drawn to me like moths to light and I have to remember not to let them near for they will burn and harm me as well.
I'm not capable of holding on to my own integrity, never mind saving the world even if it is one person at the time.

What do I do now?

P.S. I'm a terrible tease, too.