The storm is coming

“The truly creative mind in any field is no more than this:
   A human creature born abnormally, inhumanely sensitive. To him…a touch is a blow, a sound is a noise, a misfortune is a tragedy, a joy is an ecstasy, a friend is a lover, a lover is a god, and failure is death. Add to this cruelly delicate organism the overpowering necessity to create, create, create - so that without the creating of music or poetry or books or buildings or something of meaning, his very breath is cut off from him. He must create, must pour out creation. By some strange, unknown, inward urgency he is not really alive unless he is creating. ”

   (Pearl S. Buck)

I had to come to realise that been living a half-life for a very long time.

I have been in some form of catalepsy of the mind, where all higher functions have been suspended or reduced to the bare minimum. I was hardly myself, like a mere vessel, or an escape pod rather, with the mind hibernated, waiting for the right moment to come back to life, just surviving the harsh times.

I dare not guess what triggered the awakening, but now that I’m about to reach my full potential again, I look back at the past years to see when did it start, when did my mind decided that emergency shutdown was necessary.

It was over ten years ago.

Ten years! Ten years in slumber, ten years chasing a strange feeling that there’s something not entirely right! Ten years taken out of life!

Over last year I have been coming back and I feel I don’t need much more time, six months at the most. I feel newly found energy flowing through my body, thoughts untamed galloping on the neuron pathways, creativity bursting out again. I feel like a ball of pure electricity. I want to release this energy, I want to pass it on as an unstoppable current, zap everything!

Still, I urge myself to be patient.

I try to resist the desire to cut myself away from my cataleptic life immediately, knowing that some preparation will be necessary. I try to retain reminder of the façade my mind’s been hiding itself behind for such a long time, just so I can make the final transition as seamless as possible. I tell myself, not long now, you’re almost there…

Can you feel it?

There is a tension in the air, as if there was a storm coming.